Cliches I Wish I Had

Writers. We're such a strange set. We're such a cool set. I don't much like the stereotypes surrounding writers and their lives. We aren't all recluses - we can't afford to be. One has to actually socialize these days in order to have any sort of following. But there are some stereotypes that I wish I could fit in because, let's face it, the traditional writer (which I'm not) is a pretty cool creature. That being said, I wish I could...

...live in a coffee shop

Looking at my flash fiction, you might think I live at a coffee shop, but that's not true. I would love to be a regular. I would love to have a well-worn corner at the bar and a barista who knew my name and slid a fresh latte toward my laptop because he knew by the knitting of my brow and the pricking of my thumbs that I wasn't feeling the whole editing thing today.

...sit on a white bed with perfectly shaved legs effortlessly balancing a laptop

Confession: I think sitting with your laptop anywhere near your actual lap is cause for ovarian cancer or something. At any rate, I'm sure it's not good for you. Also, who really wants to sit in bed all day? Also, whose feet don't fall asleep, like, right away after sitting Indian-style for more than five minutes? But you have to admit - it looks pretty darn cosmopolitan.

...survive off coffee alone

Coffee is so low calorie, I almost wish I could be one of those writers who gets so absorbed in their work that they can't stop for food. That's how those girls keep so slim. #coffeeislife...I'm sorry, but I'm the opposite. If I'm even remotely hungry, I get the worst hankering to A) stop for a snack B) eat all the chocolate, ever, in the whole world C) browse Instagram ad infinitum. I love coffee...but I also love muffins, toast, Chex Mix, pink lady apples, tangerines, trail mix, chocolate chips, granola, and many other things it's possible to love more than coffee.

...willingly shut out social life

We've discussed before how this aspect of my personality one hundred percent shoots me in the Achille's heel. It's almost impossible for me to choose writing time over people-time and that's why I'm sitting here writing a humorous blog post instead of sharing snippets of all the work (snark) I've gotten done recently. Of any writer stereotype, this one is the one I would give my left hand for. Not my right arm...I need that for writing, when I get around to it.

...achieve the perfect messy bun + bangs

You'd think after all these years I would be able to get this one right. That perfect top-knot that every college sorority girl knows how to do. I just can't. I can coil my hair into a sort of tea-pot handle and stab a pen through it, but that's about all. Rest in peace, hopes for the iconic writer-girl hairstyle. You just weren't meant to be.

....have so much plot it's bursting from my ears

This goes right up next to willingly shutting out social life. How people are overwhelmed with plot is beyond me. I am overwhelmed with atmosphere and characters and setting and clever sentences but plot comes to me only after blood sacrifices. Sheesh. Give girl a break, Plot, for heaven's sake!

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What are some stereotypes you'd like to be afflicted with?

P.S. Good luck to those of you who entered Rooglewood Press's Five Magic Spindles contest! I can't wait to see the winners' names tomorrow. 

I'm Not a Real Writer, I Guess.

Stereotypes can either amuse or annoy me. I laugh when people stereotype some things because it is funny to me to see what strikes a person enough about a category to paint that thing with a broad brush across the whole category. But some stereotypes are especially wrong and none more so than when it comes to The Stereotype of The Writer. According to those, you would not recognize me as a writer. I am connected with many writers on Pinterest, but when I scroll through my feed, I very rarely repin anything "about writers" that I find. Why? Because I don't fit the apparent stereotype of the writer and by those standards, I wouldn't be here publishing my third book. Here are some of the most presumptuous of all, and what I, as a writer, am really like.

Stereotype: Writers Never Sleep

In Truth:

I have never written a mid-night sentence in my life. My best ideas come during the daytime when my hands are occupied with cutting vegetables or washing dishes or vacuuming. Contrary to this chart, if I don't get enough sleep, my creativity gutters out. Not a good idea when you're living (in a way) by your wits.

Stereotype: Writers Obsess Over Naming Characters

In Truth:

Almost without exception, my characters either come with names or have one attached to them within a day or two. I don't fret over the meanings of the names. The way I find a good name is by trying a couple on for size and seriously evaluating if I could stand to live with that name for the next 80,000 words. Also, convenience in typing. I hate hard-to-reach monikers.

Stereotype: Writers Dwell In The Darkest Mental Corners

In Truth:

This is, perhaps, the biggest bone I have to pick. Yeah, It's important to dig into those tough spots for tough spots but unless you write horror or emo-fiction, this advice is especially presumptuous. And it's everywhere. I agree that you need to address and harness your fears, passions, struggles, etc., but using them all at the same time all the time is overkill. Honestly. The places where they could be used effectively will be drowned in melodrama. No one likes a hypochondriac.

Stereotype: Authors Are Always Killing Characters

In Truth: 

I have killed three characters in all my books (two were murder victims). Even in the ones that will never make it to the public's view. Not that killing characters doesn't have its place, for it can be quite effective in its moment. But killing characters is pretty cliche when it is your go-to. There are so many other ways you could deal with a character, and if you're looking for an addition of misery, try not killing a character. Instead of killing him so that his kids are orphans, what about removing him to a place worse than death? Or, as they did in Once Upon a Time, making a character remember in a place where everyone else has mercifully forgot? There are many ways to add drama, misery, grief, and even despair without killing a character. Death is natural. It'll happen to everyone. There are other ways to deal with a dull character.

Stereotype: You'll Spend Half Your Life Hating Your Work

In Truth: 

Yes, like everyone else, I do go through what Abigail calls "The Crap Cycle". But most days, I feel pretty good about my writing. Perhaps this is not so much a product of over-confidence as it is common sense. I have seen a pattern. I know that my writing will need editing, rewriting, and more hard work but it always does. It always will. I have the grace to look past its current flaws and see what it can and will be. No freak-outs. Well, extremely rare freak-outs.

But this is just me. I know that I don't fit the stereotypes and I don't mean to make a new stereotype by saying all writers do not fit the "norm". What about you? Do you relate more to the status-quo or do you find yourself disagreeing and scanning for another pin? 

Have a Laugh...at yourself. ;)

As writers, we seem to think there is a certain respectability in having troubles.

No one is more looked up to than when they are in the throes of Writer's Block. Everyone sighs and sympathizes and waits expectantly when a writer announces, with many a grave expression, that their "Characters won't behave." or the chapter "will come out differently" than they'd like.

We are a close-knit, dreamy society, we writers. And because we can, we have concocted a whole list of respectable ailments to bring forth whenever we are succeeding. If our story is taking off on flying wings, somehow, consciously or not, we catch a fever of un-inspiration. If we are thinking, perhaps a bit smugly to ourselves, that our story is not so bad after all, we

immediately hie to the computer and write up a blog-post about how we feel we shall *never* find a publisher! ;)

Of course I exaggerate, but this realization made me laugh. What a funny group we are! Never content with things going well for any length of time, but concocting plights for ourselves that any reasonable person would let alone.

Common sense would tell us, "For pity's sake, if things are going well, don't think about problems!" or, to quote Mary Poppins:

"Don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles you."

But we are so accustomed to "bringing in the man with the gun" for our characters, that we instinctively do it to ourselves, making a hash of any success and contentment we'd been enjoying previously. :) So how can we beat this Big Bad Habit? For starters, I'd say that we ought not to think quite so highly of ourselves. If we stop calling ourselves Writers, and think of ourselves people with a passion for writing, the words will flow. If we stop taking ourselves quite so seriously and laugh at our little airs and graces, the fit will soon pass. When a case a of what we call Writer's Block comes up, poke it in the nose, hug it, and move on. If you truly are uninspired and can't for the love of life write something, do the unthinkable. Don't write. For a day at least, give yourself a break, and do something...unexpected.

1. Take a walk in the rain alone. Preferably with a pretty umbrella, or bare-headed. Go all the way either way.
2. Go to the store, a restaurant, or a coffee shop and speak with your best British accent the whole time.
3. Spend the afternoon with your family, play a hilarious game,(may I recommend Catch Phrase, Balderdash, Imagine If, and In A Pickle? :) and remember to laugh. :) Hard.

So this tangent is my moment of profoundness for the day. You may admire my great mind now. ;) Or laugh at me for being so philosophical about writing. Aren't I a goose? :)

Now I shall move on the two things: One, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE CHECK OUT THE MERRY AULD ENGLAND WRITING CHALLENGE!!! :) This is a vital piece of "please", for a contest is not a contest if no one enters! And winning a contest is not quite so prestigious if you are the only entry! :D I am warning you beforehand, the prizes will be really great! :)

Now for Thing Two: As this blog is supposed to be a blog dedicated to love of literature, as well as writing, I shall share with you a lovely link. :)

Here is a Historical Hairstyle Tutorial I just finished for Little Dorrit's Wedding Hairstyle! :) It is simple and beautiful! Get to it here.

You Know You're a Writer if...

You know you're a writer if....

You walk around with a dreamy smile on your face and forget what a person said to you three minutes before...

Your facial expressions while writing are so animated that your sisters gather around to watch you like a movie-screen

You unaccountably burst out laughing at random moments because you recall something funny one of your characters said

Everything that happens to you gets stored away in a brain-file marked: "Use In Story ASAP" :)

Anything and everything reminds you of your story

Your sister has dollar bills stuck in random books...the best thing you can find (and what could be worth more?) are a couple of forgotten poems or a discarded plot idea between the leaves of your favorite novels.

You irritate other people by speaking of your characters as much as some people speak of their beloveds :)

While out in public, random characteristics about people attract your attention and you can't stop watching them

You scour phone-books, gravestones, and other unlikely places for stunning names

You use the backspace key nearly as often as the vowels on the keyboard

You have a mortal fear of Microsoft Word crashing.

The disease you are most afraid of catching is Writer's Block

Writer's cramp frequently visits your hands....you fully expect to be arthritic as an old person

You have a strange ability to carry on a conversation and work on your novel's plot problems at the same time

The word "publisher" and "editor" are love/hate words for you. The one you think you'll never find, the other you'd like to avoid altogether. ;)

You spend spare moments gazing out windows, and never feel as if you've wasted time while doing it

You were shaking your head ruefully and laughing at yourself by the end of this list. ;)